Caffeine, sweat, and Luscious Jackson. What a powerful combination indeed. A few hours later clean and hot, fresh from endorphins and cold showers melting it off. "Excellent writing Lexi," Jasper writes, validating my premonitions over what it is exactly I'm looking for. "Did it make you want to put it down and look away?" "No, it actually made me want to buy the product." Ange and Sarah and backwards names and gnats/Knats and gerbils, laughing so hard tears come to your eyes. Tears yesterday, "what's wrong Lexi?", Kristin asks, ever the Pollyanna when I need her. Don't you ever cry and you don't understand why? seeking simple solutions, a nap, a snack, working it all out and sweating it all out, writing to get it out of your head. "What's the point? What's the point of doing all this anyway? You'll never get along, you'll never get." just let me out just let me out just let me out "I wanted more / than life could ever grant me" what? Because you don't have any real problems anyway. "At least you have a place to sleep" at least I'm safe from cold and war and hunger and pain, at least I'm inventing everything and winter clouds up my mind. Nothing at all, this is so STUPID!, I like to tell everyone, and it is, and I am, and I go, back and forth, confident and crazy, bold and babyish, this vs. that, over and over and over and OVER! I hate winter, it's okay though, it's okay you're okay "what you're doing is O.K." she tells you and you only half believe. But then the lusty drug, the music and working hard and pushing ahead and ignoring your mind for your body (however lame) and it's all clear...for now anyway. "Bored by the chore / of saving face..."

OK so I'm really not all this dramatic for real, things are indeed good and fine and I'm happy and safe and warm and well fed. SO nothing to worry about, just felt like writing quickly before Babs/avoiding doing any real work. Tonight = Lost in Translation, tomorrow = fancy dinner at AK's. Yeah. Bye.