"...my yellow in this case is not so mellow / in fact I'm trying to say / it's frightened like me / and all of these emotions of mine keep holding me from / giving my life / to a rainbow like you / but I'm bold / bold as love / yeah I'm bold / bold as love" ---Hendrix

May 1, 2003
All These Emotions of Mine

time 10:06 am feeling incredible reading CSCY wearing red shirt from Alyssa! music Hendrix ready for so many things next paper time

"Anger / he smiles..." There are so many things to say and so many places to start, but I've been updating too often and thinking too much, and so there's a lot I have to let lie. I just thought it might be nice to update on May 1st and maybe get "bold as love" out of my head.

I've already talked about leaving. It's striking a chord. But as Matt said, it only means that I have come to enjoy college and appreciate this life. It only took three years! Hah. That's the way I operate though. I hid under the table for the first few weeks of preschool, after all.

So the question is, can I truly belong in two places at once? Can all of my self be one place while there are parts of me I have to leave elsewhere? What silly questions. Of course I can...of course it can. Because even when I'm in one place, whether I'm here or in Madison or wherever I may be someday, I still belong in so many other parts of that place, and that requires me to change as I float from one shade of my life to the next. Or maybe not change, but just understand myself better.

It was this weekend last year that we had the crazy spring babies birthday party and I was drunk for the first time in months. My friends were so excited...pretty bad, to be excited over someone finally drinking again. That whole kidney infection thing last fall really ended that for awhile, holy shit that sucked so badly. Anyway not going to think about it. So getting back to my point, my friends will again have some sort of gathering this weekend for their birthdays, however, knowing them, it won't be organized or even thought of until about an hour before. Woo hoo! Just kidding. It'll be fine.

Matt is coming tomorrow, though sadly leaving again Saturday. At least I will get to see him for Friday and Saturday!! Then I'll be home for summer in a few days. I am a lucky girl. We are going to have a wonderful time as always.

I saw my advisor yesterday and she is amazing (Babs). She gave me the best idea for my Capstone. It is going to kick ass. If I see you I'll explain it. I also found something that confirmed my idea. Anyway. Next semester, actually, is going to be quite fun. So now I have both the summer and the fall to anticipate happily. It's definitely a good feeling.

"All of these emotions..." If all goes according to my plans, this weekend and next week will be mindless social bliss. We'll see about that though, as I'm not even writing my paper. Have a great weekend everyone, happy May Day.

---Lexi