"Would you recognise me? / Call my name or walk on by /Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling / Down, down, down / ... // Don't you forget about me..."–Billy Idol, on the radio this evening
Confessions of a (Not-so Teenage) Drama Queen
time 9:07 pm feeling wet from the rain
wearing warm clothes!!! reading
AHWOSG still, it is almost painful because it is so good ready for vacation! lol next do dishes
I'm feeling particularly nostalgic and chatty all at once tonight, which generally means I spew sap all over the keyboard and its reflection, the online world, but just know that I warned you. That said, I first have a confession to make. You may have noticed (that is, if you still manage to read this site; ha!) that I have not been the most, ah, prolific in updates here anymore. You are right. But, secretly, and for my (and probably your) own good, I have been updating elsewhere in an as-of-yet undisclosed location. I hope to merge these outlets eventually, but for the moment they are their own entities. It's entirely possible that you could find it if you wanted, but you do so at your own risk; depending on who still reads here, there may be some choice things I have or have not said about you or others that you might not want to read. Again: You've Been Warned.
That said, on to the second thing. I was offered and will be accepting a true, full position at Olive as a graphic designer starting June 1st!!! My contract was technically up yesterday, and I wasn't aiming to befuddle anyone, but there was a job from Capella out there, and I didn't want to screw myself, so...finally I told/asked Rob and Tom what the deal was. I think this subsequently freaked them out, and lo and behold, we met that day (May 12...in case you don't remember, May 12 last year I graduated and spoke at graduation...so you can see this date is becoming very good...what will happen 5-12-06 I wonder?!?! Anyway) albeit in the shady bar of Dusty's. Haha. They offered me a position, full benefits, INCLUDING health, dental, 401k and paid vacay, AND a raise. Woo hoo hoo!! So now, a full year after graduating, I am fully employed. That is life. But it sure feels good to be wanted.
We also had a mini 'performance review', in which they deemed me to be clever, creative, quick to learn, eager to accept challenges, cooperative ('plays well with others' in other words), and lively, meaning I bring 'a spark to the office' (hahaha, again). They also want to give me MORE responsibility and more to do! YAY sorry to brag but I am happy.
So that is that. Last weekend Jeffrey and I celebrated by getting me a DVD player and watching almost all of season 2 of SATC, hahaha, and eating pizza and cookies/cookie dough. YUM. It was a very nice weekend.
All my nostalgia is waning, alas. Well the end of the school year often brings with it a wave of memories, even now that I am no longer in school, and with it this year arrived an invitation to my 5-year high school reunion. OK, first of all, WTF?! Because IIRC, our senior class president was a SLACKER, hence why I and the other officers had to pick up the SLACK, and he is coordinating this? Props to him. Second, who GOES to their 5-year reunion, anyway? Isn't our greatest accomplishment thus far graduating college and not getting arrested?!
Sorry for the bitchiness, but whatever. That along with some other recent events have made me think about HS a bit. I know a lot of people hated their HS years and found themselves happier than ever to get away from it, and while it had its moments and I am happy for freedom and adulthood, I had a lot of fun in HS and I often miss my friends from then. This coupled with talking to Katy finally on Sunday (she bought a condo!! Woo hoo!!) and Daniel emailing me out of the blue a few (many) weeks ago, as well as hearing from Maggie and Sharanski, has stirred up those oh-so-angsty teenage times.
If you've been reading this site since I started, you have some kind of idea what high school was like for me. I ran around with a bunch of other braniacs and goody-two-shoes nerds, and despite our abnormal attention to and 'achievement' in the world of scholastica coupled with our hatred towards drinking, we managed to have a hell of a lot of fun through those years, especially the last two. Looking back, so much of it is so funny. Even people in our 'group' that weren't necessarily cut out for, say, AP classes took them just to be with their friends, because to us, it was 'cool' to be smart. NERDS. We were NERDS I tell you. I remember how 'cool' we thought we were as the only BC class in school, WTF dude, seriously?! But that and AP Bio man, we thought we ruled. I think that's what made us friends.
The sad and nostalgic part of it, I guess, is to realize with whom I am still in contact and where the rest of my HS 'world' of friends exactly went. Oh sure, I am still in touch with Maggie + therefore Jacob, and Corbett and I have been emailing which is random. But there were 'the big six' my senior year, and who I am still friends with from that? My girls, Andrea, Katy, and Lynni; and the boys, Daniel, Sharan, and Matt. We all know what happened with Lynni and Matt by now. Very different things, but still. Ouch. Andrea, I managed to screw that up, but that's life. Sharan and I are more at peace now that there's been time between us and senior year, and of course OF COURSE Katy is always my girl...most loyal friend of all time I'd say. Damn. Then Daniel, whose random email restored my faith that maybe old friends still remember, only to have him disappear again. Random. That's kind of life though, again; you just never know.
Matt used to call us and our friends 'Troubled Geniuses', TG's for short (I bet none of you ever knew that, haha). I thought he was full of it, because in the same afternoon he showed me and Christy how cool it was to set a box of matches on fire. BOYS WILL BE BOYS. Looking back though, he had a point. We were definitely not geniuses (okay, maybe LJ and Jacob were), but most of us were definitely troubled/neurotic (see, a stiff drink could've helped us there! LOL), and it ended up showing at some point or another. What perfectionists aren't? Not that everyone was such a perfectionist, but a creepy disproportion of my friends had and maintained 4.0s. I don't think that necessarily says anything about the intelligence of us all (don't want to get into THAT debate, LOL), but more about the freaky anal retentiveNESS. WTF, seriously dude? I realized once that the Five of Us from Junior year (Katie, Danny, Daniel, Lauren and I) ALL graduated with 4.0s. If that isn't fucked up, I don't know what is. No wonder we didn't stay friends.
See, I warned you, I am rambly tonight. The point of all this to me is that I still have this warm fuzzy image of all those times, even if they were swaddled in drama, just because it was a place I felt safe and like I belonged. Hearing from those people, those 'blasts from the past', and knowing that they are okay, comforts me, because right now there are less-than-good times with my Truest Ten from college...not a big deal, but just sad when things fall apart. I guess it's a sign to me that in the end, everything works out and most people are happy just to have been what they were - together, having fun, and enjoying life as it came.
I am most likely NOT going to a 5-year HS reunion this summer, but in the meantime I do hope I get to reunite with my past at some point...and that this present turns into that, and I see the forest for the trees for once.
–Lexi