Enough. I owe an update. Actually, I owe TEN updates, or something, but I am pretty sure it doesn't matter one way or another. I had started this update about the heart stuff a week ago (a week! time is flying away from me), but apparently it didn't get off the ground. Thankfully, Imagine Ave just recycled that song, which prompted me to take a break from Flash and get this update out and about (or whatever you want to call it).

Let's see . . . Katy came and visited last weekend which was fun, even if she had a hellish drive home...I got a beautiful new bed!! and light, and fan!! (Jeff will be disappointed if I don't point this out, so I will . . . the light was his idea. There. Are you happy now?!)...Diana and I are taking ballet ("give me a big NO!")...the light rail opens this weekend!...my friends and I made boob paintings on Saturday...I saw "shrktu!" ("Shrek 2" for those of you that aren't four years old) and loved it...and I've been having lots of QT with the 9-5 workers.

And those who serve/work odd hours...I haven't been doing so well. Sarah called me Thursday, then Saturday, then Sunday, and then I realized: what was I thinking? What was my deal? She's one of my #1 girls here in the Cities, wait, here in anywhere, for that matter, and what was I doing? Letting it go. Letting my time with her go. She leaves in two months and I'm just sitting here typing away. Why?

My brain, my brain, what's been keeping me in control all these years. It's always been El Capitane (not a word, I know) in my life, except on the rare occasion when it slips away, until this year. But then it came back, and the logic forced its way in, and I was back again. I'm scared because she's leaving, and because we're already not in school together anymore, and because I feel like when she does, I'll lose her forever. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but still. So this heart of mine decides to stop and keep its distance and let the brain run its course, a scarecrow with its wish. But this isn't what I've been working for, and this isn't why I've learned what I have this year.

Your heart. I called Sarah back and apologized, but there's nothing I can do to make that amend other than try and make a change next time. I didn't get through whatever I did this year for nothing, I didn't give pause to my heart without reason. So even if you're scared, even if someone's leaving, even if you're not sure what to do, you have your heart.

"I could stay young and chipper / and I'd lock it with a zipper / if I only had a heart"

Yeah!